Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I believe in your delicious
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
