he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
