Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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