she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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