1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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