can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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