This is not my ceiling
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
