i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
