i wish starbucks made bloody marys
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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