he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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