Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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