omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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