Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
