i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
