shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
