Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
