The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
