I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
