if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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