I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
