I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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