Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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