Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
