Do you still have your period?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
