Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
