tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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