So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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