the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
