I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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