once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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