Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
