Can i not drive my cunt home
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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