is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
