She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
