Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
