this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
