I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
