just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
