ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
