i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
