I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
