well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
