She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
