...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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