Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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