You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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