I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
