Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
