If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
