he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
